Roach has "Bugged" Readers since 1958

CTTC John Kromas of Second Division has been writing under the byline of Charlie Roach since 1958, and his "Roach Approach" column has appeared in the Windjammer since the newspaper's first issue in December 1968.

Throughout the three and one-half years of the Windjammer's existence, there has been one contributing writer who has outdone all others in pumping out columns for the newspaper. That writer is Charlie Roach, who has been a member of the Windjammer staff since Volume I, Number 1 rolled off the presses. the "Roach Approach" has, with this issue, appeared in the pages of 41 Windjammers. (The only other column to approach this record has been the "Big Beat" by Staff Sergeant Dave Stewart of AFN Bremerhaven. SSgt Stewart also began writing for the Windjammer with the first issue, and his column has appeared in 37 issues.)

Anyone familiar with Charlie's column knows that his forte is writing critical satire. In addition to his more humorous columns, he will occasionally write a serious column attacking a policy or action that he perceives as being unjust, unintelligent, or underhanded. Naturally, such writings can be extremely controversial, and it was for this reason that Charlie's column did not make all 43 issues of the Windjammer.

In July 1970 the Roach submitted a column in which he waged a scathing attack on a local command for what he perceived as gross misdoings. The NSGA Public Affairs Office considered the column a bit too "blasphemous" for print, however, and it was deleted from the Windjammer.

The following month, in retaliation for this "blatant censorship", Charlie failed to submit a column for the August issue. But differences were eventually resolved, and the "Roach Approach" was resumed in the September 1970 issue of the Windjammer. The column has been a regular feature of the newspaper ever since.

Insects, of course, do not actually use typewriters; Charlie Roach is a pseudonym used by Chief Communications Technician (T Branch) John Kromas of Second Division.

CTTC Kromas began writing for Navy newspapers in 1957 while stationed aboard the destroyer escort Chester T. O'Brien (DE-421). Charlie Roach was born in 1958 when Chief Kormas began using that byline on a column for the COMNAVACTS Log, station newspaper of the Commander, U.S. Naval Activities, United Kingdom.

The "Roach Approach" subsequently appeared in the Adak Sun and the Guam Communicator as Chief Kromas served tours of duty at the naval communications stations at Adak, Alaska, and Guam, respectively.

In his first Windjammer installment of the "Roach Approach", back in December 1968, Charlie Roach recounted his previous literary career in this manner:
"Here we go with the first edition of NAVSECGRUACT Bremerhaven's own newspaper, and with it comes the 'Roach Approach', straight out of the woodwork and into print. I'm no 'Johnny-come-lately' to this business you know. I've been kicking up a fuss for a number of years. Yep, even been squashed a few times as I recall. Lemme see now, first on this fast-moving 'can' out of Key West (I got squashed there for a rather poor Truman joke, so I gives up picking on presidents). Next was the old COMNAVACTS LOG in London. Lasted there almost two years until I made the mistake of bugging the Special Services people once too often; they cut the staff by one...guess who. Then came the Adak Sun, straight out of the Alaskan wilderness, onto the mimeograph, and ultimately to the reader. Until I bugged the O-in-C of the Marines, the telephone officer, and finally the station CO, I had a pretty good thing going. Next was Guam; I straightened my morals there, cleaned up my MO, and was squashingly successful. I'll have to admit though, I got jolly tired of covering the old ladies' sewing circle teas."

Although Charlie Roach has used a Coke bottle in the Second Division head as his base of operations, the bulk of his columns dealt with a variety of subjects outside the division. He has satirized such things as getting mandatory influenza innoculations, I.G. inspections, field problems, the emergency recall program, how men are assigned to watch sections, a chief who almost had his male cat spaded, and an OOD who locked himself in handcuffs during a watch and was unable to escape.

Some of his more caustic columns have attacked the Army, the European Exchange System, and the American Youth Activities organization's management of the annual German-American volksfest. While Charlie's writings may not always have been in a totally objective vein, he has welcomed rebuttals. (A length rebuttal was printed in the October 1971 Windjammer in response to his attack of AYA.)

For anything to be controversial, it must create mixed opinions or reactions. Windjammer reader reaction to the "Roach Approach" has been strictly divided since the beginning. Many readers have eagerly looked forward to each month's installment, while others (particularly those on the receiving end of Charlie's barbs) have loathed the column. However, even many of those claiming to hate the column have read it, if only to find out if they are the object of a Roach attack.

After going strong for 14 years, it is unlikely that Charlie Roach will retire now. With Chief Kromas' transfer to NSGA Edzell, Scotland, we might expect to see C.R. "bugging" readers of the Tartan Log, and operating out of an empty Scotch bottle.

Greetings, lads and lassies, from me wee bottle in the Second Division head. 'Tis me last installment of the "Roach Approach", and the boss has given me as much space as I need to close out the series. You know, I really hate to leave Bremerhaven, because I've truly enjoyed my stay here. This has been my first tour in the Navy where I've been attached to an Army base, and the "Green Machine's " antics have been enough to keep everyone amused. At least all the sailors here now can say they were here for the inauguration of "Cannon Arcade" on our beloved Quadrangle. I can't really understand how BMC Jess "Boats" Saur let the Army get a foothold on turf that he has protected religiously for over two and a half years! I wonder how long those chains will keep some enterprising young sailor from relieving the Arcade of its noisemaker? Boom! Boom! "Get that VC flag off that pole before the colonel sees it! O-o-ps, it was just an old oil company flag. How are we going to explain to the troops that we rousted them out at 4:30am for an old flag?" I appreciate the tightened security that the Army has provided in recent weeks at the main gate. I never did mind pulling out my ID card for a gate check. I guess my only concern is: Who's checking the two gaping holes in the fence behind the AFN Bremerhaven building? Are the holes big? You bet! You could drive a truck through one of them! In passing, I'd like to relay a "thank you" to all of the "Truckers" on behalf of the local Girl Scouts. Thank you for being so polite during the girls' overnight campout a while back. That goes for speeding through the area and making obscene gestures. Who did it? I don't know, but they do. Particularly the intelligent dude making the gestures. Makes for a bad name for a good bunch of guys, doesn't it? Now lemme tell ya a little story that happened near the end of May. Acting on a hot tip, CTAC Scott "Scotty" Morris broke all speed records driving to Stade to buy a special corner grandfrather clock with Westminster chimes. Arriving there in his "Red Bomb", Scotty failed to find the clock but managed to catch a full bag of snipe. Do much snipe hunting, Scotty? A personal note to a certain gunnery sergeant (we won't mention any names): The word I get from the CPO Club and the FRA is that you're wearing your welcome thin. They tell me you'd probably enjoy youself more at the Marine NCO Club. Oh, for you that's a green box with C-rats. And just think, you'd have the world's best audience hearing you...YOURSELF! How about it, "Gunny" R.? To those of your who must remain in Bremerhaven, I pass on my sympathy. If you think that the service of the European Exchange System (EES) has been poor up to now, just wait unitl HSGA leaves! To give you just a teen example of their efficient service, they don't have a popular brand of red furniture oil, but they're loaded with suntan oils and lotions. C'mon, suntan oil in Bremerhaven? Also, they're well-stocked with country music and soul music in their record department, but what about the stuff that belonfs in those big empty holes in the middle of the shelves? And they must have midgets running the shoe and clothing departments. In other words, loads of size 7 shoes and 28-29 waist trousers. To sum it up, what you need, they ain't got! And the laundry! Beautiful, simply beartiful! I know for a fact that the outgoing graduates of the new NCO Academy recommended to the base commander that the laundry be investigated. Fellows, we've been saying that for a long time. No, I'm not going to let the EES Cafeteria get by either. It makes a lot of sense for a restaurant to be closed on weekend evenings doesn't it? Yes, the two evenings a week that people have free time and might want to go out for a snack and they're closed. Oh, yes, and this is passed off in the name of "efficiency". A more resonable explanation would be that they're simply not forced to compete with a truly efficient enterprise. And that goes for the next outfit on my list, the EES Garage. In the latest episode that I know of, they informed a shipmate that he needed a complete brake job which was to cost well over one hundred budks! Want to know what the real problem was? The brakes needed bleeding! It cost the man DM 20, or just over $6. I could write a book about EES, but they would arrest me for "Ginzburgism" or something equally as exotic. By the way, if you missed the command picnic then you weren't fortunate enough to see CTRC Clyde Freelander get drowned in beer by two little girls. Bet that was part of the German Pentecostal celebrations. In closing, I would like to thank all my friends who went to the trouble of checking out the new Playgirl Club for me. I'd much rather have done it myself, but that's the way it goes. Oh well, it won't be the same next time. And finally, some disclosures and parting shots befor I sign off: The richest man at NSGA is CTOCS Norman Tebo..The man who has been judged the neatest resident of the Bachelor Officer Quarters was Lt Charles Janda...The top American hunter for the year was CTRC John "Tex" Berry (Tex bagged the only deer...Of course it wan't deer season, but that's no "biggy")...The most radical person was Mrs. Jack Marcum, and the most conservative was CTT1 Walter Butler for his thoughts on how much to charge for "Jerry and the Bootblacks" playing for the picnic. How could money come between friends? That's it! I'll be seeing many of you in Edzell.